Two Movies

I'm way too angry about the Fas expenses and all sorts of nose-in-the-trough nonsense going on among the ruling elite in Ireland this week to even write about it.

There are things that need to be said, but they'll have to wait until I calm down sufficiently first.

In the meantime, let me pose a question that kept me thinking much of this past week.

Recently, a good friend of mine celebrated his birthday by hiring a cinema for his friends for the evening. He got to choose which films to show, and picked two of his favourites. Now, this is actually more fraught than it may seem.

For example, that Seventies blaxploitation movie that you find hilarious might not go down so well among all your mates. Equally, your penchant for obscure early sci-fi horrors, or ponderous foreign black-and-whites.

I've been trying to decide what two movies I'd have shown in similar circumstances (fyi - my pal showed a sci-fi film that received a mixed response and a Woody Allen film that was universally adored).


In the end, I reckon I'd go with Wings of Desire (yes, I know, foreign black-and-whites ought to be a no-no, but this is just too beautiful for most people not to enjoy it) and Doctor Zhivago (the proper 1965 version which has EVERYTHING - Julie Christie, Omar Sharif, Alec Guinness, opulence, romance, star-crossed lovers, trains, snow, gulags, Soviet soldiers, you name it.)

What two movies would YOU force your best friends to sit through?

Congrats

Well done to all the Irish Oscar winners yesterday.

Even though I thought 'Once' was a load of twee tripe, I'm delighted for the Irish film industry to see another accolade coming in this direction. The local film industry desperately needs a shot in the arm like this, so congratulations to all involved.

Now, I know this is going to come across as some sort of begrudgery or whatever, but that can't be helped. I am genuinely happy for those involved in the film. Even if I didn't like it, clearly a lot of other people did.

But seriously, is no one else even a teensy bit disturbed by the fact that Glenn Hansard and Marketa Irglova (above) first met when he was 31 and she was 13?

I mean, fair enough, they didn't hook up until a couple of years back (during filming of 'Once', when she was 17), but he's on record saying that he'd 'been falling in love with her for a long time, but I kept telling myself she's just a kid.'

No one else is a little grossed out by that? Okay, must just be me then.

Well done again to all concerned.

Bore-trait of Zizou

Don't bother going to see 'Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait'. Don't bother waiting for it to come out on DVD either. Don't buy it at Christmas for your Dad or brother, with the sly intention of watching it yourself.

Don't wait for cable TV to show it next year. Forget it even exists. It is crap. I know, I went to see it last night. I want my 90 minutes back.

If anyone ever missed a sitter in front of a gaping empty net, it is the makers of this nonsense. What better subject for a fascinating footie documentary than the best player of this generation, Zizou?

In addition to his supreme talent, he is also that supreme rarity in the modern world - a Muslim role model loved by all. Even the armed guards at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem once conceded to me that no player was more gifted, no player more capable of uniting entire audiences in captive appreciation of his abilities.

Zinedine Zidane's history - the Algerian heritage, the upbringing in the tense, dangerous streets of Marseilles, the rise through French teams to Juventus, then to Real Madrid as the best of the famous Galacticos - is only part of what is missing from the nonsense I watched last night.

Let me explain what the filmmakers have done. If you've ever watched a Premiership game on Sky, you're probably familiar with their 'playercam', which trains a camera on one player for 15 minutes. Make that seventeen cameras on Zizou for 90 minutes, and you've got this boreathon of a movie.

Despite what some gullible people might say, this is not some oblique masterpiece, or an art moment to savour. It is 90 minutes of a sweaty man, trudging around the Bernabeu, waiting for his teammates to pass him the ball.

This film, much more than his headbutting Marco Materazzi in the World Cup final, will diminish memories of Zizou's genius. If Zinedine Zidane's magic can be boiled down to pixillated phone camera footage of his boots to the sound of a turgid drone by Mogwai, then there is no magic in football.

This artwank should have been left in whatever pretentious Parisian gallery it emanated from. I hope, now that Zidane has retired, that someone will make a proper documentary and portrait of him.

But this isn't it.

Planet of the Arabs

This short film from the Sundance festival seems to be doing a lot of viral business across the web right now, and no harm there.

'Planet of the Arabs' is a short movie by Arab-American director and artist Jacqueline Salloum that emulates a Hollywood blockbuster trailer. Its genius is that every single piece of footage in the cleverly edited montage has been taken from a recent and genuine Hollywood movie.

When I went to Egypt for the first time, I was stunned at how widely variant my perception of the Arab world was. But it shouldn't have surprised me how deeply ingrained the prejudices of Hollywood manage to infiltrate the psyche of everyone in the 'West.'

This short film shows why. Jacqui was apparently inspired to do the piece after discovering in Dr Jack Shaheen's book, 'Reel Bad Arabs' that out of 1000 mainstream movie depictions of Arabs in Hollywood in the past 100+ years, only 12 were positive and an astonishing 900 were...

Well, have a look and see for yourself what they were.