The Darwin Awards were invented to celebrate the deaths of people so stupid that their removal from the human gene pool is considered to be an improvement for humanity as a whole.
But sadly, in this day and age of affluence and emergency services, fewer and fewer of the morons who so deserve this award are able to attain it, due to being saved from their own idiocy at the last minute.
Chief among these are the unnamed 'extreme' surfers, who refused help from the coastguard last month when they ran into difficulties at sea off the Cliffs of Moher.
(Incidentally, when is the usage of the word 'extreme' to describe acts of fratboy stupidity going to run its course?)
These imbeciles were facing death as they jetskiied around the Atlantic in search of a 35 foot wave (apparently called Aileen) to kill them. Yet they refused help from the helicopter crew that came to assist, because the chopper crew refused to take their surfboards too!
Well, why not save the exchequer the cost of the rescue and the human gene pool while you're at it by simply leaving dickheads like these to die next time?
It really infuriates me when peabrains go sailing in force nine gales, or climb mountains in bikinis during December, then cost the State tens of thousands for their rescue. And this at a time when grannies still lie on trollies for days in hospital for lack of funds for beds.
If people want to get 'extreme' in their pastimes, they can do so safe in the knowledge of the safety net provided by emergency services and funded at great cost by you and me, the taxpayers.
So in future, I'd suggest that when total spanners get themselves into difficulty in the sea and up mountains where they'd no sensible reason for being, they should be forced to pay the total cost of their rescue themselves.
It'll save money, and cut down on the amount of incidents where well-meaning emergency crews end up risking their own lives for people who would otherwise undoubtely be Darwin Award recipients.
The first politician to call for dickheads to pay the cost of their own rescue gets my vote next time out.
Do it for granny on the trolly in the Mater. Do it for the future of the human gene pool, dammit.
