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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Is Michael O'Leary the biggest cause of misery on Earth?


I know it's a hard call.

After all, malaria kills up to three million people and infects over 500 million every year.

Fundamentalist religious beliefs not only cause repression among those who espouse them, but also lead to the oppression, usually by violence, of those who don't.

But of all the evils incomprehensibly permitted by God to ravage this poor planet, is there any greater cause of human misery than that rip-roaring cunt Michael O'Leary?

We are informed by experts that experiencing misery is an essential part of truly comprehending happiness in life.

But surely there is absolutely no excuse, no lesson to be learned, no mitigating factor in the unremitting evil that is Michael O'Leary and his army of hellspawn?

By now you may have gathered that I broke a vow I made to myself, the promise that NEVER EVER AGAIN would I subject myself to the Auschwitz conditions of a Ryanair flight.

I had to get to Cork and back. There really weren't many options. Driving and the train would take too long. Aer Arann, who also ply the route, were asking for a truly silly amount of money.

So I made the mistake of booking a flight with Ryanscare. (You know, a fright with every flight.)

Firstly, the flight down to Cork was largely uneventful. It nearly arrived on time (and of course, an annoying tannoy message erroneously informed us that it had done when we landed.) That lulled me into a false sense of security.

The next day on the return leg, things were different. Despite checking in online already, the scum wanted another 4 euro of my money to check in. What???

Then to add to my confusion, and their blatant thievery, they demanded that I pay 18 euro more to check in my hand luggage.

"No thanks," I said. "It's my hand luggage."

They insisted it was too big, or the wrong shape, or too fragile or some such bullshit to be allowed in the cabin.

I informed them that it had been perfectly permitted by the same alleged airline on the way TO Cork, only a day previously. Nothing had been added or taken away from the bag in the meantime.

But they insisted, like the jobsworth cretins they are. And what can one do, in Cork airport at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, as a queue of other harrassed people grows behind you and starts mumbling, only give in to Ryanair's preposterous larceny?

"You can write to Ryanair's head office and complain," suggested a Servisair monkey who was insisting that it wasn't her fault that she was demanding my money for no good reason.

Yeah. I've tried that before. They don't answer. You have to take the scumbags to court to make them take your complaint seriously. And then they really try to treat you like shit on O'Leary's leather loafers.

Don't believe me? Remind yourself how they treated THIS poor woman.

I'm not going to write. Instead, I'm going to ignore O'Leary, and address myself instead to the hundreds of grunts and minions who man his evil empire.

Dear Ryanair Staff:

Are you proud of what you do and who you work for? Are your parents proud?

Is harrassing the public something you aspire to achieve in life? Is there truly nothing else you could do to make a living?

Just because your name badge says Servisair doesn't mean that you're not a Ryanair employee.

Just because O'Leary's memo told you to treat the public like lepers does not mean you are obliged to.

Just because it says in your contract that you should, at every possible opportunity, attempt to steal money from the public to line O'Leary's capacious pockets with, is not reason in itself to do so.

Have some fucking self-respect. Do something useful with your life instead.

Become a student, even. Sign on if you must.

Try prostitution or drug dealing.

Torture Zimbabwean democrats for Robert Mugabe if the inkling grabs you. Suppress Tibetan freedom protesters with Chinese special forces if you're so inclined.

Whatever you do, it's bound to be more useful to society, create less misery on this Earth, than working for that butt-munching goblin O'Leary and his Empire of Evil.

You can give it up. And if you start, others will follow. Eventually, the whole thing will collapse.

It can be done. Start now. Resign your Ryanair job, or your proxy Ryanair job with Servisair and their equivalents, and begin to live a decent life.

You know you want to.

P.S. Has anyone else noticed that Ryanair's staff are some of the ugliest people on Earth?

I remember when the vocation of airline hostess was one almost entirely populated by amazing, gentle, kind, generous women with model good looks. That's still the case with proper airlines like SAS and Singapore Airlines.

But Ryanair seem to do their recruiting down dark alleys late at night, in the rougher parts of town.

Seriously, some of those trolley dollies make the Manchester United first team look attractive. I guess it's all part of O'Leary's masterplan to add misery at every turn.

7 comments:

Random Fred said...

Ryan Air is pretty poxy alright.

Why can't British Midlands do flights in Ireland? or Luxair, now there's an airline.

isadub said...

I also don't fly Ryanair anymore but I don't know why you're upset. If you look at the pic, you can see that he's got some balls :-))

Wendy said...

I'm sooooo with you. Every time I fly with them I end up out of pocket and in tears. I have just flown with them for the VERY last time. I hate them with a passion!

jonny said...

MR SKINNER,I AGREE ABOUT MICHAEL O;LEARY BEING A BAD PERSON BUT MY DAUGHTER TRAINED WITH RYANAIR,TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT,HER CONTRACT WAS ENDED AFTER 11 WEEKS FOR NO GIVEN REASON,THEY RYANAIR AND AGENTS CREWLINK CHARGE 1750 POUNDS FOR THE COURSE.MY DAUGHTER TOLD ME THEY AS CA BIN CREW GET TREATED BAD BY O'LEARY ALSO.MY DAUGHTER NOW HAS NO JOB AND AFTER HER RENTS AND MOVE TO DUBLIN TO WORK FOR THIS SCAM O'LEARY,SHE IS OVER 5000 POUNDS IN THE RED.
THESE TRAINING COURSES ARE A SCAM AND I WOULD AS ANYBODY NOT TO WORK FOR RYANAIR.CHECK THIS WEBSITE OUT
www. ryan-be-fair.org and you will learn how bad it is for cabin crew,maybe you lost abfew euro,my daughter and many hundreds of our children have lost there dreams/jobs.and one last thing,my daughter not ugly.
kind regards
john father on 18 year old girl,scamed by ryanair.
lfcheart@yahoo.co.uk for scam info

GentleJoanne said...

I am a polite, middle aged, middle class gentleman who has heard my own father swear only once in my life and I follow suit.

I am not vulgar and I certainly do not wish to cause those around me or in the public domain any offence.

However every word in the English dictionary has its place in the language and some words are reserved for very extreme circumstances.

Michael O'Leary is a CUNT and he employs NAZIs.

I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that if Michael O'Leary had been in Germany during the 2nd world war he would have pulled Jews gold teeth out with no anaesthetic to line his pockets and he would have taken childrens teddy bears before he marched them (at his pace not theirs) along to the gas chambers.. He would then have reported with pride how many children he had gassed "on schedule" to his commandante.

I really do believe that is what the man is made of - people like that existed in the 1940s and he exists today.

If you see that vulgar man in real life please shout at him

Charlie Knobcheese said...

I really hope that O'fucking Leary gets sucked into one of his own engines and comes out as fodder for seagulls. Knowing that cunt his children will probably get the bill for the damage. What a really awful, jumped up, never come down, black enamel fuck pig he is! Shame on you, you contemptuous bastard.
I really wish that as passengers we stopped flying for 2 months and that KLM, BA etc got our business. Even though it would not affect his own vast fortune it may just push him over the edge to stick a shotgun up his arse, pull the trigger and do us all a favour.

Charlie Knobcheese said...

I really hope that O'fucking Leary gets sucked into one of his own engines and comes out as fodder for seagulls. Knowing that cunt his children will probably get the bill for the damage. What a really awful, jumped up, never come down, black enamel fuck pig he is! Shame on you, you contemptuous bastard.
I really wish that as passengers we stopped flying for 2 months and that KLM, BA etc got our business. Even though it would not affect his own vast fortune it may just push him over the edge to stick a shotgun up his arse, pull the trigger and do us all a favour.