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cavehillred AT yahoo.co.uk

Friday, May 04, 2007

Vote Skinner!

I was a bit late registering as a political party, so I'm a 'write-in' candidate.

I'm running in your constituency.

You have to write in my name, though. Just scribble out any name you recognise and write JC Skinner instead, or go for my preferred option of writing it in at the top of the list and drawing a separate wee box and putting the number one in there.

If I get elected, I intend to introduce a private member's bill making cocaine mandatory for Enda Kenny, introduce a law declaring Michael McDowell illegal, and I will personally host a dinner in Manchester every week for any of Bertie Ahern's mates who want to give me £30,000.

I will also cull Mary Harney and process her into food for starving economic migrants.

The Green Party will be relocated to Rockall, which will be made independent and given to them to live underground on, like hobbits.

Sinn Fein members will be made to fight the Irish Rangers to the death in special gladiatorial bouts to be held in Croke Park. They will be armed with pikes and copies of Danny Morrison's novel, 'West Belfast.' The Rangers will be issued with Uzis.

Ian Paisley will be stuffed, mounted and glued onto the side of Croagh Patrick to make a nice Mount Rushmore type national monument.

The Hill of Tara will be placed on giant stilts so the motorway can go under it. We will also build a tunnel to Iceland, to reduce commuting times to Dublin from the Arctic Circle.

A new Luas line will be routed through Bono's living room, so that we can all 'see where he lives', like he said we should in one of his songs. It will feature a loop-the-loop section.

Vote Skinner. Better than the other shower.


Tim said...

Sounds like an all round good deal there JC, so long as the good electorate write Skinner and not Shinner!
Judging by your post on the Sinn Féin girl who came knocking this would be an unfavourable spelling mistake!

Flirty Something said...

Will give you an apology vote cause I was wrong about the housing prices - maybe !

Missing Neighbour said...

Any chance of writing something new on this blog? Or has all that electioneering tired you out?

JC Skinner said...

I'm currently behind the great Firewall of China, hence the difficulty in posting new articles.
As soon as I get to Hong Kong, there'll be a little spate of my musings on modern China.