Dosh and Dali

So, I've just got into the house after dispensing the last of my paltry underperforming SSIA dosh (bloody Ulster Bank!) on servicing some of my spiralling debts, and I log onto breakingnews to see what's going on in the world and suddenly I find myself in an alternative universe.

I'm still not sure where I took the wrong turning through dimensions. Most likely when I boarded the Luas an hour ago, as Dublin pedestrians were unusually and uncharacteristically pleasant to me on my journey home.

But it's only just now, plugging into the world online, that I am truly convinced that I have entered some surrealist state of existence worthy of Salvador Dali's fevered imagination.

Let's peruse some of the headlines I just read:

The Government has paid €3.5 million for some War of Independence memorabilia. What? Like we don't need any hospital beds or school places anymore, that we can now afford to blow millions on some prison sketches? What cabbages have we elected to Government?

A fire broke out at a British nuclear plant that is already nearly fifty years old today. But hey, that's no problem, folks, even though they had to shut the creaking reactor down, and even though the antique plant is due for closure next year. No radiation, we are assured, could possibly have leaked out.

Point one, we don't believe you, BNFL, because you've lied so often in the past. And point two, close the fucking thing down already! It's well past its sell-by date and is now proving positively dangerous!

Two of the biggest scrota in the music industry, Andrew Lloyd-Webber and Eminem no less, might be about to team up for, God forbid, a rap musical. Kill them now or it will be huge, I warn you.

But the proof that I have fallen through a gap in time and space into some surreal alternative universe lies in this story - An Irish high street bank finally admits that house prices are falling!