No Sleep till Breakfast

I notice Cllr Seamus Ryan complaining on his blog about bangers and fireworks being set off by what were once called juvenile delinquents down in Waterford.

Obviously, the staccato of bangs followed by the howling of petrified domestic animals is not restricted to the sunny South-East.

Last night, the little feckers in my neighbourhood kept it going well into the night, through the small hours and into the big ones again, leaving me with no sleep whatsoever.

The good councillor feels that more needs to be done to prevent those illegally importing and selling fireworks. I have an idea myself in relation to that.

A few years back, the Gardai invited me down to a little spot they have between Heuston Station and Kilmainham in Dublin to witness what happens when shoddy fireworks bought (or in the case of the Gardai, siezed) from shifty market stallholders go off.

In their illuminating demonstration, it was mainly fingers that went off, followed by eyes and the skin of the upper torso. Thankfully, the demo was performed on dummies.

I'm a believer in leaving explosives to the experts, like that genius who does the Paddy's Day fireworks along the Liffey, or the Provos. But it amazes me how many people want to play with fireworks without having the slightest idea what safety measures to take.

And what gets me is the gradual lengthening of all holidays these days. Christmas marketing begins in November if you're lucky, we have a week long St Patrick's festival instead of just the one day, and Hallowe'en begins with a bang in early September and goes on and on and on.

Why can't people restrict the fireworks, self-maiming and scaring of animals to the one day it was supposed to be?

Given that in the month before Hallowe'en each year, old people and animals are terrified each evening by the constant noise, that people like me can't get to sleep because of it, and especially because the kids buying and using these things swamp the hospital A+E departments in their dozens, I propose a modest solution to the problem.

Every person caught importing or selling fireworks and bangers illegally should be punished by having one superglued to their hand then lit.

Then perhaps next October, I can get some bloody sleep.