D- for canvassing

I've been a bit miffed at the lack of canvassing in our area. I would normally have expected Fianna Failures at the door on an hourly basis this close to an election, swiftly followed by that famous Sinn Fein election machine.

Obviously, one is an extremely privileged soul if you manage to get a PD canvasser to your door, since they're rarer than hen's teeth. And the Blueshirts don't tend to come around my area too often either.

But I'd gone to all the trouble to draw up a lengthy list of complaints for all parties, and hence I've been extremely disappointed at the lack of opportunities I've had to present them.

However, the Shinner juggernaut finally traversed our street today, and I was delighted to see that they're running honey traps now. A genuinely stunning young blonde came to the door, all day-glo teeth, Toni and Guy hair and fake tan, asking me would I consider voting Sinn Fein?

The short answer is of course, only at gunpoint, which when discussing the party in question is never entirely off the table.

But in order to produce my list of woes for the first time, I was initially non-committal.

"I'm still thinking about who to vote for," I pondered. "But it won't be Fianna Fail, because I'd like to see some change."

Unfortunately she picked up on my accent.

"You're from the North?" she asked perceptively.

"I am indeed, occupied six counties and all that."

"Ah, right," she looked at her clipboard, marked a tick against something I couldn't see, and started walking away.

As she started knocking on the neighbour's door, I coughed politely and called to her, "I do have a vote, you know!"

"I know you do," she said. "But let's be honest, if you're from the North, you know Sinn Fein and what we stand for. So you're hardly undecided, are you? You're either with us or against us, and I reckon you're against us."

That's Sinn Fein for you, always fighting the war.

D minus for canvassing abilities, though.