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Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Power of Slap


I hate girls who wear make-up. Why? Because it's a lie, just like if I shoved three kilos of sausages down a codpiece it would be a lie.

Like Hamlet said, 'God gave you one face and you make for yourselves another.'

For some examples, see to the right, or else click here to view more examples of what transformations have been achieved with the application of paint.

The combination of alcohol intake (known as beer goggles) and make-up (aka 'slap') has been known to make all sorts of munters look like supermodels, only without that food-avoiding anorexic bodyshape.

This is why I hate girls who wear make-up. It's a blatant trap aimed at deluding drunk men into thinking that some women are better looking than they are.

Why is this bad? Because if a relationship is based on physical attraction alone, it's not going to last long. And if it's based on physical attraction that's not going to last past the hangover and the wet wipes, then the relationship won't survive past breakfast and the walk of shame.

Get over yourselves, ladies. Stop spending fortunes enriching lying bastard cosmetic firms in order to perpetrate your own lies yourselves.

Then you might be surprised to find that the fellas who show an interest in you are actually really interested in you, and not the face you're faking with slap, and then the 'relationship' might have a chance of making it past tomorrow lunchtime.

Plus it makes a nasty mess on the pillow.

This has been a JC Skinner public service announcement.

kick it on kick.ie

22 comments:

Flirty Something said...

My favorite boyfriend comments were the "I love when you don't wear make-up" then when I would attempt to go out and meet his mates without make-up I would get the "why aren't you wearing any make-up?" If boys are dumb / drunk enough to snog a girl because of what they thinks she looks like then they get what they deserve in the next morning.

Kav said...

JC, I'd have to disagree. I don't like artificial-looking make-up, ie if you can tell immediately that a girl is plastered in the stuff. But some women use products that are very natural-looking, which doesn't bother me in the slightest.

And besides, by saying you hate women who wear cosmetics, you're pretty much saying you hate all women, are you not?

Anonymous said...

Did you take home a girl while drunk, thinking she was gorgeous only to find out that it was an illusion based on beer goggles and "slap".


I have to admit though, heavy makeup is a real turn off. If you look after your skin, you don't need make up.

Niall

JC Skinner said...

Kav, no, I hate women WHEN they wear make-up. I especially get annoyed when I see women blowing a fortune of cash on the crap. I suppose its their money to spend, but I can't help but think less of them for doing so.
But I don't hate all women. I love women. I'm surrounded by them!
There might be a time and a place for wearing make-up, like appearing on telly or going to a wedding, but in general day-to-day existence I see no need for it.
Flirty, it's rarely the fella who feels the regrets the next morning. He might have a coyote ugly moment, but then he's out of there. It's the lassie who's left wondering why yet another lad didn't hang around past breakfast of day two.
And your ex's statements do seem contradictory and quixotic. I don't seek to tell Mrs Skinner what to do or wear, but she's naturally come to her own conclusions over the years about cosmetics, their evil makers and their general expense and pointlessness.
Niall, that did happen once or twice back in college. Not for many years now, though. The article was inspired by finding that fascinating website and also by numerous conversations with male friends. I've yet to meet a fella in favour of slap.

Anonymous said...

As a professional woman who takes great pride in her appearance I wear make up everyday and consider it an essential part of my overall grooming.

Any guy who has a serious problem with make up is going to rouse my suspicions. Why would a woman who chooses to enhance her natural beauty by wearing make up illicit such a vexacious response from a guy?
Perhaps you feel threatened by the confidence and heightened sex appeal a woman exudes when she's looking and feeling good. It must be a relief for you to have trained your wife to stop using make up. I suppose she's only allowed to wear drab oversized clothes too?

JC Skinner said...

I don't feel threatened by anyone. I do note that you felt insecure enough not to give your name, anonymous.
Can you clarify one thing for me? How does plastering your face in product that masks natural beauty actually enhance it?
Surely that's a total contradiction?

Anonymous said...

It's not a question of being insecure - the interweb is a scary place for a girl these days (as evidenced by your latest post).

Not all women plaster their make up on - most women who take the time and effort to wear make up are usually also quite attentive to their skin in general. And you think make up masks natural beauty? Never. If applied properly make up will enhance a pretty face. It's no big conspiracy really.

JC Skinner said...

Okay, let's try this again. How does covering up someone's face with a load of slap enhance their natural look? It doesn't is the short answer. It hides it.
On a separate point, grooming in the animal kingdom is about remaining clean and free from disease. Make-up does neither of these things and actively clogs pores, often causing infection.
Furthermore, make-up is outrageously priced, often made from highly dubious ingredients, marketed with spurious science and lies, and often tested on animals, who suffer needlessly for female vanity.
Why is any of this something to be proud of?

Anonymous said...

OMG I can see I'm way outta my depth here. I'm guessing you've got issues with feminine sensuality - what man could feel threatened by shiseido lipstick and some creme rouge? I mean seriously!

Lipstick has a pleasant creamy texture and is comfortable to wear. Silky eyeshadows make eyes shimmer seductively. Mascara and kohl eyeliner give long-lasting, richly intense eye contour that give a glowing radiance to (my)beautiful eyes. Make-up compliments the assets of every woman so why shouldn't we enjoy it. Of course it doesn't clog pores if you cleanse, tone and moisturise daily. You can even chose body shop products which aren't tested on animals. My make up comes with an SPF 15 to protect from UVA rays and harmful pollutants so I think I'll have skin as fresh and delicate as a rose for a long time to come. So don't lose sleep worrying about it ok?

JC Skinner said...

Clearly you are out of your depth. You made no case for being 'proud' of wearing make-up, as you had previously asserted.
How is wearing lipstick, which is messy and made from all sorts of dubious substances some of which have been proven carcinogenic, more comfortable than NOT wearing it?
If you didn't wear make-up at all, you wouldn't be concerned about it clogging pores.
An SPF does NOT protect against 'harmful pollutants', and in any case most Irish complexions require a higher SPF than 15 which is better found in a dedicated sunblock.
Mascara and Kohl make women look like pandas, which becomes especially amusing when it rains or they cry.
You keep telling me that I have issues with feminine sensuality. I think you do. You've confused cosmetic products with feminine sensuality to the extent that your actual feminine sensuality and beauty remains hidden in public.
What I do have issues with is the evil bastard cosmetics industry, selling lies, bad science and toxic shite to women.
When women start realising that the cosmetics industry from day one (arsenic powder, mercury soap, anyone?) has been poisoning them for profit and masking their real beauty, which men in vast numbers prefer, then those scumbags will go out of business overnight.

Dario Sanchez said...

I agree with Kav here. There is a certain threshold of make-up that is perfectly tolerable.

But when i was a few years younger, in Cavan the fashion for girls my age was to see who could go out doing the best look-a-like of an Oompa-Loompa.

I tell ya, the fake tan companies cleaned up around Cavan in 2003.

Anonymous said...

"I think you do. You've confused cosmetic products with feminine sensuality to the extent that your actual feminine sensuality and beauty remains hidden in public."

How does that work exactly? When I put on my lipgloss in the morning I'm shrouding my beauty? As for my compact powder - well you'd never guess I was a pretty girl underneath that? C'mon give me a break!

Anonymous said...

Oh and you're comment about Irish complexions hardly applies to me as my mother is Irish and my father Indian. SPF 15 is good enough to give my skin a fabulous glow thanks!

Anonymous said...

Have you even kissed a girls cheek and ended up with the dry stinging taste of powdered poison on your lips and tongue.

yuk!

Niall

"It must be a relief for you to have trained your wife to stop using make up. I suppose she's only allowed to wear drab oversized clothes too?"

RadFem anti male guilt propaganda attack. Classic eg.

Flirty Something said...

I wrote a big long reply on this yesterday but it has vanished. I now see whey people move to wordpress.

Definition of make-up usage:

Natural - bit of powder highlight eyes or lips, never both.

Umpa Lumpa - bright orange foundation, panda eyes, blow job lips.

Most decent girls go for the former. I wear make-up because it makes me look and feel better. I am not shallow or insecure I just take pride in my appearance. I deeply object to someone telling me how I "should" feel about wearing make-up.

Man-kind has always adorned their body with dyes, tattoos, piercing etc. It is natural. Birds sing and peacocks strut. It is in our nature to preen.

Re the big profits of make-up companies. Can I assume you live in a hut and never; drink coke, drive a car, play nintendo, buy football kits etc. You prop up big multinationals just in a different way. Increasing make-up is not tested on animals and you can choose brands that aren't.

I think you are painting us all with one big blusher brush and missing the shade and light.

JC Skinner said...

Oddly enough, I don't drink coke, drive a car, play nintendo, or buy football kits.
I do live in a house though.
I'm loving the fact that people are still trying to tell me that it's 'natural' to smear shite all over your face, and the fact that not one woman has sought to address the toxic nature of the chemicals they apply to themselves.
Living in denial, eh, ladies?

Anonymous said...

Eeeewww! If there's anything toxic then it has got to be guys like you.

I think we've got a case of an ugly boy who has been turned down by a lot of beautiful women.

I'm only an amateur psychologist but i guess the only woman in your life who showered you with love during your teenage years was an older female relative who spurned beauty products.

There you go - it's simple logic really. You're looking for a girl whose beauty regime consists of carbolic soap. And you've found her it seems. So well done.

JC Skinner said...

You're not so much as a bad amateur psychologist as an erroneous Mystic Meg whose crystal ball is on the blink, anon.
Zero per cent correct. Wanna guess again? ;-)
Flirty, I'd amend your hierarchy of make-up wearing. 'Natural' is no make-up. It doesn't naturally occur on your skin, therefore it's not natural.
Then we move up to what Kav and Dario referred to as some make-up which is relatively unnoticeable. In which case, I'd pose the question, why wear something that can't be noticed if the intention is to preen?
Then we have noticeable make-up, which Dario amusingly referred to as the Oompa-Loompa look. Couldn't be more spot on.
But it doesn't matter how much make-up you wear. Any you do wear is messy, contains toxic chemicals, costs a fortune and is a mask for insecurity not ugliness.
True beauty is of course within, but physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And as a man who beholds women, I find them significantly more beautiful when they have confidence in their own face and their own natural beauty.

Flirty Something said...

My LAST comment on this. "natural" looking make-up helps to hide minor imperfections and highlights features e.g. eyes.

Most of my products are pretty basic and I am not aware of any toxicity. Can you state examples please?

To avoid all carocinogenic effects in life I would have to only breath country air, never touch food wrapped in cling film etc etc.

Some people may have insecurities about make-up but I can assure you I am not one of them so please don't project yours onto me.

JC Skinner said...

My comment about make-up masking insecurity rather than ugliness was directed towards our crystal ball gazing gal rather than yourself, flirty.
As for toxic make-up, a simple google search for the term reveals over a million citations.
You could look here:
http://www.organicprincess.com/chemical-good-looks.htm
Or here:
http://www.health-report.co.uk/EWG_makeup_chemicals_summary.htm
Or even watch this little minute long movie here:
http://hazardsthemovie.com/Home.html

Basically, there are few to no legal requirements circumventing what cosmetics firms can put in their products. Many common cosmetics contains chemicals with proven links to causing cancer. A third of them in one recent test, in fact.
Women are putting their health at risk, acting as paying guinea pigs for cosmetics firms' greed.
There are, I believe, non-toxic make-up options, but they are extremely uncommon on the market.
A pal of Mrs Skinner is stringent in only using proven safe cosmetics, and finds them extremely hard to source. And she's based in continental Europe.
Nevertheless, if any woman is insistent on wearing make-up (and I'd have to ask why) then these options are the ones they need to pursue, for their own health's sake.

Tracey said...

Do you shave? Wash? Cut or brush your hair or clip your nails?

If so, you're being unnatural but you do it to feel better for yourself and others.

Like wearing make-up, duh.

JC Skinner said...

Ah, Tracey. You're just not comparing like with like, now are you?
What toxic and unnecessary products am I using when I brush my hair or cut my nails?
None.
And like I said previously, the real meaning of grooming is to remain clean and free from disease, so of course I wash. I try to source non-toxic soaps for this purpose, though. Ditto when I shave, but as I currently sport a beard, that's not so often.
What I don't do, is plaster my face with expensive, toxic, carcinogenic colours that the cosmetics industry tells me are essential for my sense of self-worth as a human being.
I take it you do?