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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Fruit and nut case


Thanks to the Great Wee Azoo, I've become aware that former DUP posterboy and afficionado of hot and steamy rubdowns, Paul Berry chose to vote AGAINST the new sexual orientation regulations in Stormont the other day.

For those who had hoped to put this incident behind them, let me remind you about Mr Berry.

As a card carrying member of the DUP, and a married man to boot, Berry's cherubic good looks and gospel singing career destined him for Willie McCrea type heights within the howling mad fundamentalist wing of Unionism.

However, it all came to grief when a Sunday paper set him up in a sting operation. Berry met up with a man he had encountered online in a gay chatroom at a prominent Belfast hotel, and asked, before they got down and dirty, that now legendary Ulster chat-up line: "I hope you're a Prod, big man?"

He is alleged to have then carried out a sex act with the man, an incident he vehemently denies.

The DUP swiftly carpetted the young turk, and eventually his protestations of innocence fell silent and he accepted being booted severely out of Big Ian's 'No to Sodomy' Party, after he had tried to sue them to stay.

His defence, which has no doubt launched a whole new wave of euphemistic usage?

"I was looking for a sports massage."

He is not believed to have sought to sue the newspaper that stung him, presumably because having lost one court case, he doesn't fancy another. He does, apparently, still claim not to be gay.

Which is, after all, an issue best left for him and his wife Lorna to sort out among themselves. There's no news on his sports injury, though.

However, the vote in the temporary Assembly this week was tied at 39 votes each, and Berry's was one of the 39 block vote (all UUP and DUP, bar him) against the regulations, which are designed to protect sexual minorities from the undoubted harrassment they receive in the North of Ireland.

My question: if you were gospel singing, former DUP member Paul Berry's psychiatrist, where would you even begin?

And if you were a gay or lesbian member of the Unionist community, what would you like to say to Mr Jeffrey Donaldson, who kicked off the debate by saying:

"Let me be clear from the outset that the motion is not about homophobia or gay bashing, as some have accused it of being. It is about something far more important — religious freedom in this country."

Because, you know, Northern Ireland has a wonderful history of religious freedom being respected by all to cherish, and of course there is no such thing as gay bashing in Ulster.

kick it on kick.ie

9 comments:

Bock the Robber said...

What exactly would you say the sex act was that he carried out with this man from the paper?

I'd love to know what he did.

Was there some sort of sexual union involved, so to speak?

The Sexual Unionist Party!

JC Skinner said...

You'd have to consult the Sunday World archives in relation to that. Google may indeed be of help too.
Since Berry is a litigious lad, I don't want to give him any reason to come looking for my solicitor's address.

Missing Neighbour said...

It almost beggars belief. It just goes to show how mixed up the guy is and by extension some of his (ex)party members are as well. He was caught red-handed (or maybe it was some other bodily extremity) and he still has the temerity to try and sue everyone left right and centre because he doesn't have the courage of his convictions. He then tries to back up his ' I am definatley not gay' stance by toeing the fundamentalist line during an important (and in any normal country) non party political issue. I wonder if he can sleep at night these days. Oh well I suppose Jesus will sort it out for him.

Jerry Cornelius said...

Is that Jesus his burley Spanish Au Pair?

Anonymous said...

"All material is copyright of the author except for cited quotations and links. Please link to or cite this blog if you intend to use anything found here. Copyright infringements will be legally pursued. "

You are a bit litigious yerself arn't ya?

JC Skinner said...

Dear Anon, nope, I'm really not. Though I've had reason to in the past, I've yet to take a lawsuit out on anyone for copyright infringement.
That's a bog-standard disclaimer reminding people not to nick things that aren't theirs.
Think of it like the signs in shops asking you not to shoplift.

thegreatweeazoo said...

According to Gay Times, the alleged sexual act involved a massage and then Berry on the receiving end of some oral stimulation of the genitals. The article noted how the masseur had to run to the bathroom afterwards to spit it out.

fastlad said...

It's a question of status more than sex, you see.

Gays are perceived to be of lower social status. A man like Berry can't identify with gays because, well, he can't imagine seeing his social status drop over a small thing like getting a nice "sports massage" from a big hunky fellow Prod (who he hooked up with online).

So you see he's not a gay; he's just a man who allegedly likes to receive naked sports massages from other men.

If you can grasp that distinction then you can understand why he voted the way he did. There's a lot of men like this about. They tend to be christian conservatives who find they don't want to give up on the advantages they enjoy over a small thing like a "sports massage".

Anonymous said...

Let he who is without
sin cast the first stone!